Random Ramblings


Posted on: April 27, 2008

I am inspired to write today however I do not know how all this will come across, but I have to write it, maybe I’ll find some answers, maybe I won’t, all I know is that I feel a need in me to get this out.  It may come out as a really bad poem, or just a bunch of rambling, but you have been forewarned.  I make no guarantees of this making sense, especially if I don’t know if it will make sense to me, but here goes…

I’ve been caught staring off into space

I think my heart is broken into a million pieces
As I write this, the tears start to flow.
I have no idea what in the world to do.
I don’t know if I should even stick around.
I feel as though I am at a point in my life,
There are so many things I am terrified about.
I need somewhere to find the answers.
I can’t bear this hurt anymore, I’m about to crack.
I see dark clouds coming my way but can’t run.
What goes around comes around I believe.
Things that have happened before are coming
I can’t stop them, no one really can
The vicious cycle of life is out of anyone’s hands.
We just have to sit back and take what’s given
Too many things come flying at you quickly
It’s hard to make a definite prognosis yet
Do I follow my heart, if so which piece?
I am more confused right now more than ever.
The dark side is calling, extremely loudly.
I hate the other side of life, it sucks
Things are all turned upside down
Everything is wrong, sad and evil.
You can’t escape from it anyway
It has a strong hold on you, forever.
Why do tears hide so often?
Wouldn’t it help to cry? Yes
Why can’t I help myself?
Do I even know how? Yes
What am I going to do?
Things have to change and quickly or else.
I’ve been down this road before, sort of
Part of the road is familiar while most is unknown
The familiar isn’t even comforting at all.
This is a scary journey and I’m all alone.
If people are supporting me, I can’t see them
They hide like the stars during the day
My nights are not what they should be
The stars don’t come out anymore
They can’t break through the storming clouds
I’m scared, terrified, afraid, nervous, anxious.
Emotions are over flowing with no real exit
Bottled up for so long they wait to be free
Things are changing and I can’t make sense.
Sad, confused, unsettled, alone, miserable.
Keeping things hidden is what I’m good at
No one really knows the extent of it
I’ve tried to tell people, it hurts so much
The breaking point is so close to taste
Someday may be too late.

7 Responses to "randomness"

that’s enough.
You have people who love you who will listen. Without judgement, without withholding love from you.
You are one of the lucky ones. You Do have people to turn to. Lots of people who love you and care about you. The alone thing is a figment of your imagination

pick up the phone
send an e-mail. say…listen to me…bug me interfer…say anything and we sill swarm you like bees.

You have a huge emotional bank account. You have given and given all your life. You are the poster child for George from ” It’s a Wonderful Life”

Any time you want to cash out….we are ready.

While I don’t fully understand the Wonderful Life reference, I think it’s a good thing.

Thank you for your kindness, I appreciate it more than you know. You made me cry.

You also probably know it’s easier said than done sometimes.

Maybe you should watch “It’s a Wonderful Life” then.

You are a lot like George.

You just give and give and don’t seem to notice the huge effect you have on the world around you.
Go watch it. That’s an assignment. I love you.

Wendi is right.

We all go through dark and light times. Sometimes if you just let the uncomfortable nasty feelings wash over you without struggling you realize how finite they are. If you struggle against them, it gives them power because you are attaching to them.

And here I am in my laziness saying all this when I would like to meditate again and get on a healthier schedule.

Well, I don’t like to see anyone suffer. Take Care. E

Thank you for the kind words again Ellen!

It’s almost funny, but after I wrote this post, my head started to clear up and I have been looking at things differently since. I think I may have stopped struggling once I was done writing.

when I’m sad I can’t write poetry!


If you are calling that poetry, thanks! If you are trying to tell me that it’s not, that’s ok, I won’t claim to be a poet, especially on sad days!! I’m sure there is someone or lots of someones who only write good poetry when they are sad, so we can do it when we are not!

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