Random Ramblings

Unintentionally Hurt

Posted on: July 1, 2008

Words are few
I have spoken
I could waste a thousand years
Wrapped in sorrow
Words are token
Come inside and catch my tears
Do you really want to hurt me
Do you really want to make me cry
Lyrics from Culture Club’s song “Do You Really Want To Hurt Me”

Why is it so easy to hurt someone and not even know it?  Why is it so easy to be hurt when you know they don’t know they are doing it?  Why do people pretend that they are not hurting when it’s easy to see on their face?  Why can’t some people see how much others are hurting?  Why is it always the people you least expect that hurt you the most?  Why is it that those you think should know, see or feel that you are hurting, don’t?  If I had the answers to these questions I’d be making more money than Dr. Phil.  However these kinds of things have been happening to me lately and it is starting to really bother me.  These things aren’t easy to admit, it’s never easy to admit that you are hurting. 

It seems like lately some people have just… drifted away.  People I have counted on to be there for me before and now it seems like everyone else has their focus on something else and no time for me.  I have always thought of my friends as very special people and put them on the highest pedestals.  I have always held them in high regard, especially the closest ones, of which there aren’t many.  I would give my life for any one of them, be there for them in an instant, NO MATTER WHAT!  I have always thought that the road went both ways, and for the most part it did.  However lately, when I have needed a friend or two, no one was there.  Needless to say it didn’t help the situation to have no one to turn to, to have no one who seemed to care, it HURTS A LOT!  I’m not mad at them and I am trying to understand that they have other obligations and responsibilities, but so do I.  I am still willing to make time for my friends and will continue to do so forever.  I cherish my friends more than most anything else in my life, without my friends I would be lost.

I know things change and that friendships evolve to different levels, but I am feeling left out.  I try and try and try again to reach out and communicate to my friends but it is not an easy thing to wait and wait and wait for a response.  All I want is for people to take notice that I am still here and still willing and able to be a friend.  I’m almost afraid that somehow I will get left behind still waiting for things to go back to the way they were.  I know that it is improbable but I’d at least like to have something to look forward to.  I have put in so much effort to stay connected to friends but in my mind it doesn’t seem to be working. 

All I really want is the support of my friends, or at least know that it’s still there.  Some of my friends don’t even know that I am planning on riding in a bike-a-thon in August.  I am terrified to do it, but believe that if I have the support of my friends and family then I will be able to accomplish it.  I need all the support I can get but don’t know how to find it if friends aren’t even talking to me.  As far as I know I haven’t done anything to upset anyone, but if I have I just wish they would tell me so I could work on fixing it or at least work on being able to move past it.  My one hope in all this is that I haven’t been too reliant on my friends and in part scared them all away. That is the last thing I have ever wanted to do. 

I know that as you grow up things change, priorities change, responsibility changes and it happens to everyone, whether you want it to or not.  I just know that despite these things happening, friendships can withstand all of it if both parties are willing to try.  I am completely wiling to try if only they would agree to try with me.  I hate the unknown factor in all of this; I know how my heart feels, I know how much I care, and I know how many tears I have cried over this.  I miss my friends terribly and am willing to do whatever it takes to work on these relationships.  I love my friends more than words can express and I just hope they know it and can feel it!  I don’t want this to sound like a pity party, but I miss the fun I used to have with my friends and would like to get it back!

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12 Responses to "Unintentionally Hurt"

friends are a treasure you better appreciate while you have them as the world tends to tear people apart…

I truly do appreciate all of my friends. They mean the world to me and I only hope they even get a small clue to that. The world doesn’t have to tear anyone apart, if they don’t want it to!

Don’t you have people you don’t want to lose in your life?

Jenny,

Friends don’t have to get torn apart but time is an evil villian. Do you know that I talk to you more these days than I talk to Jackie?? No offence but there is something wrong there as we used to talk several times a day all day long!!! Although I am loving how much time we have to share now too!

But I know that her and I are as close as ever and when we do talk it is hours and we gab like sisters.

You can’t be passive about it. You need to speak up, get things on the calendar. As far as The Bike athon, get out a save the date flyer or e-mail so we will all be there and have it on the calendar. We can chat about it as much as we want but if it isn’t written down it isn’t real!

Some of these friends we have in common. And as their lives go through rites of change, things will be different ansd we have to roll with it. Find new ways to hang out and be creative! John and I are in our first year of marriage, that is a rite of change too that isn’t forever! But it is a busy one to pull a mixed family together and make it a priority. It is hard to fit everything in!

You are very loved and I don’t think anyone is mad. I can’t even imagine it!

Thanks Wendi. I know about all these rites and sometimes I admit that I am jealous, but shouldn’t be. I just miss seeing and talking to my friends. I haven’t talked to some in so long they don’t even know about my blog! I’m not expecting people to drop everything and be available to hang out, I just wish it was easier to get everyone together!

As far as the bike-a-thon, I’m not expecting people to be there physically, it’s in Dekalb, I would just like verbal and maybe emotional support. I’m not expecting a group to drive all the way out there to cheer me on, I just want others to let me know they believe in me.

Wendy is correct, Jenny. Definitely about getting out the word about the bike-a-thon. How can we send you our support if we don’t know.

And I have been in your shoes for more years than you have lived. And even my bestest friends I sometimes do not hear from or see for quite a while.

Kids, spouses, challenging and exciting jobs….even pets. I don’t have any of those responsibilities so I get left on the back burner. And living so far away, I often don’t see Debbie unless I have a drs appt. I don’t see you unless you invite me to your house. But that is my life as it is and I have had to learn to deal with the hurts and resentments and oversights. At least you always answer my text messages….basically my attempt to reach out when I am sometimes feeling especially alone.

Hang in there kid. Taking on new and special challenges will get you through. Using your time away from the friends who don’t seem to have time right now will help you deal.

Is anyone going to DeKalb? I would love to be there to support you if it is a Sunday. See, even I have limitations now with having to work on Saturdays. Sorry.

Jenny, it sounds to me like you need to tell your friends that you miss them. Tell them about your blog. Send them emails of your articles. I do that occasionally with my friends who aren’t subscribers to my blog. My husband and son don’t read my blog but my daughter and sister-in-law and sister do. A couple of my friends who don’t have computers, I will even print out my articles sometimes and take to them to read.

Don’t ever put others on a pedestal. They will fall off if they don’t get tired of the heights and jump off. Don’t expect them to be mind readers. Most of us aren’t. Tell them what you need. It ends the drama of wondering what is going on.

Learn to love yourself and you will attract others who also love you. The best thing I ever did for myself was to learn to love me. You sound like a sensitive, caring, lovable, loving person. Act like you deserve it and you will attract it.

I hope I haven’t overwhelmed you with all of my unasked for advice. It is hard to see another person hurting and not want to do something to help.

Hi, Jenny.
This is my first time to actually reply to any blog other than Wendi’s. But, it so spoke to me of the many times my feelings have mirrored your own.
I wish to repost a quote from you that recently also hit home with me.
“Things happen for a reason and if something in your life needs to be changed, it will change and usually for the better. It’s when you force change that things can have negative results. It’s best to just let things happen on their own in their own time, you’ll realize that it happens without much help from you and usually whether you want it to or not. Try to stay positive and the changes should be good!”

I feel this time of feeling separate from those you have felt close to – is one of these “times of change”.
Lessons are being learned during this “down time”, as your closest acquaintances and long time friends are going through their own “personal, private” changes.
Life for some of you (not me, I am retired and quite the hermit). . . is busy, complex and complicated. Time spent with others is hard to manage. Silence does not mean these folks do not still love and care about you, Jenny. They are “in the wings” so to speak. And, they will come on center stage with you in future. I know just from comments across the blogs that you are most admired and cared about.
As for the Bike A Thon. You go, girl! Send out some emails to pals and flyers in your neighborhood. If there are sponsers, go after some! Best of luck and please know, you are valued!
Ms. O

Donna,

Thanks for the comment! It’s nice to get them! It’s not that I don’t want to tell people, but it’s the reactions that I’m afraid of, like yesterday when someone asked if I was insane. That kind of hurt my feelings, plus the look I was given. I also don’t want to be seen as someone who is just looking for attention either. It’s a balancing act and I am working on it.

You’re the best!

Patricia,

Thanks for stopping by! I appreciate your comments and your advice, I take advice from many people. I have a hard time knowing and acting like I deserve those things. I totally and completely put 100% into my friendships and don’t usually get that much back. I think it is time I realize that I am what is most important! If I can learn to love myself the way I am, hopefully others will follow!

Ms. O,

Thank you so much for the kind words, I love reading your comments on Wendi’s site! You are correct, I have been learning a lot of things about myself that I hadn’t bothered learning because I was always going out with my friends and paying more attention to them. I need to balance it out now and I know that. I am usually one who adapts well to change, however this is one time I am not doing so well, but with all these kind words and even advice, I can learn to adapt better!

I have done the “Shameless Self Promotion” before when I have been in shows, but I hadn’t thought about doing it this time. I think I’m still afraid of failing and not going through with it, I need to get over that and just do it!

thanks!

Hi Jenny,

I thought I left a comment here last time, but oh I was so wrong. My apologies as I really wanted to let you know you are not alone. Sometimes, the world does feel like a lonely place and as you probably already realize by now people get sidetracked and forget (oops).

Thanks Monika! I appreciate the kind words SOOO much! Even little comments like yours are nice to get once in a while!

Thanks for stopping by!

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