Random Ramblings

Say What You Need To

Posted on: August 18, 2008

“Have no fear
For giving in
Have no fear
For getting over
You better know that in the end
It’s better to say too much
Then never to say what you need to say again
Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say…”

Lyrics from John Mayer’s song Say

We’ve been listening to something other than the oldies station at work lately and this song has been playing a fair amount of times in a week and I just couldn’t get the words out of my head.  Of course through my research of the songs and it’s lyrics I have learned that this song was especially written for the movie, The Bucket List, starring Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman.  John Mayer, who literally cried when he read the script, wrote this amazing song for the movie.  The Bucket List is about two men who embark on a journey to complete their list of things to do before they kick the bucket. I haven’t seen this movie, but it is on my list of things to see, and soon, it looks fabulous. Obviously these are only some of the words to the song, but if you listen to the song, it is pretty powerful.

Haven’t you been there before?  You know what I am talking about, that textbook situation of where you have the opportunity to say something to someone, but for one reason or another, you don’t and later on you are kicking yourself for not doing it.  I know there have been countless times that this scenario has played out in my life.  How much would it mean to that other person for you to say what is rolling around in that head of yours? You will never know until you tell them! Those words in your head not only have meaning to you, but they could have profound meaning to whom you tell them to. There is another verse that is also pretty powerful…

“Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open…wide…”

…it portrays that telling someone something may not always be easy and you may be scared or you may not believe in yourself enough, but if you approach it with your heart open, things may turn out better than you had imagined. Now I know sometimes, more often than not, this whole process is easier said and done. I completely understand that, I am the queen of writing letters to people to tell them what I couldn’t say to their face. Once in high school, a friend made me so mad because he was comparing his place of employment, Great America, to our local carnival. It seems kind of childish now, but it made me furious and I wrote him like a three page letter and mailed it to his house. Once he got it, which was a lot quicker than I expected, we talked and everything was fine, of course he asked why I just didn’t tell him myself. My answer was the fear of actually speaking my mind.

It’s a pretty scary thing to put the whole truth out there for people to hear. You can pray all you want, but some will judge you by what you say, whether it is good or bad. Two friends got married recently and I had thought long and hard about what to get them for a wedding gift. I wanted it to be special and from the heart. It was a pretty unique gift, but I wasn’t quite satisfied with the “special” part, so I decided to write them a letter telling them how grateful I was to have them in my life and how much they meant to me. I tried for a week to write it when it came time to put the gift on the table, it was missing the letter. I waited until they were back from their extended honeymoon before I got the courage to put it in a card and mail it to them. I was putting nothing but heartfelt feelings into this letter, yet I was afraid of what they would think. I should have known better, but the fear got the best of me. Actually writing this blog is pretty exciting for me because I am constantly putting my words out for others to read and judge if they want.

The song doesn’t tell you how to do it, it just helps give ideas on how to be less afraid. After all, we only have a short time on this earth to tell people how we really feel. Why keep it bottled up? Why not let people into your world? Sure it’s scary, sure it’s nerve-wracking, but isn’t it better to have told someone than just wish you had.

When was the last time you said what you needed to say? Are you trying to find the right time to tell someone something right now? How many times in the last month, week or day have you not told someone something because you were afraid of their reaction? Tell them, it will be worth it in the end.

For those of you who may not know the song, I’ve included this link!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YZ0z86LmXBM
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10 Responses to "Say What You Need To"

Great Blog post. I am going to bookmark and read more often. I love the Blog template if you need any assistance customizing it let me know!

Jen,

I want to see that movie (It’s on my list) Let’s plan a movie night. THIS month OK? After this weekend…John and I are celebrating.

great post Jen, I have a lot of swirling thoughts on this, just wrote a post on the power of words in our lives.

When I was younger, there was NO fliter on my mouth. Enter thought, exit word. Enter fireworks and trouble.

I think God gave me my sweet daughter to follow me around and pick up all of my words as they fell out of my mouth and pick up all of the charred remains in my wake. She is the voice of diplomacy. I can’t say in my wiser years ( I choke on the word older) that I am much better. I find it’s best to clamp my jaws shut and go for the pen. At least I have the power of delete before anyone reads it and I can ask my daughter to look it over before I hit send if it’s really important.

I always think it’s easier to communicate in writing over speaking, especially when it’s intimate, personal, or emotional. I squirm just thinking about it. Heheh.

@ Wendi
I knew there was a reason I liked your daughter so much! She really is diplomatic! I’m up for a movie night! I’ll e-mail you with a plan!

@ Melissa
I would rather write than speak most of the time! Even though I probably should speak!

Thanks for stopping by Ladies!

Wendi and I were thinking the same thing…movie night!

And I need to say…thank you for introducing me to this song. John cried at the script; I cried at the song.

But I think they only mean to say good things…did I miss the lyrics that talk about how to live with the repercussions?

You know, it takes courage to grow up, wear our own soul and speak our heart.

It’s become an habit to be bullied into silence . .. to allow ourself to be made a victim. .. to accept someone’s definition of our life.

We forget, if we don’t be ourself and speak our heart out, then who would be.

Fanny Brice is right who has said: “Let the world know you as you are, not as you think you should be, because sooner or later, if you are posing, you will forget the pose, and then where are you?”

Jenny, Right on the mark. No, I don’t want to say it because they don’t listen and they distort what I say. I don’t think the song refers only to good things because some of the footage (without soundtrack) looks like some of their things might not have been “good” things to say.

Repercussions tend to be the receiver’s attempt to punish the speaker for telling a(the) truth the receiver has carefully managed to avoid and they draw first blood. I guess I should take my first-aid kit with me because this is probably going to be messy.

@Rick
Thanks for bookmarking me!! It’s great to have people here who want to come back for more! It motivates and inspires me!

@Ibirish
I’m all for a movie night, just need to know when people are free!! It’s OnDemand right now!!

I have strong emotions when I hear the song, the video on You Tube is a tear jerker too!!

@Roy
Thank you for stopping by! I hope you’ll come by often! What you said couldn’t be more true! People are bullied into silence WAY TOO OFTEN these days! If you speak your heart, you will never lose who you are. If you are interested in more speaking from the heart, you should check out Wendi’s Life’s Little Inpsirations! She always speaks from the heart!

@Deb
Another reason I want to see the movie, I realize that all you may have to say to someone will be good, but it’s still better than not saying it and losing the chance to say it.

It could be messy, but speak from the heart like Roy said and encourage others to do the same and hope for the best!

I’m one of those who says it all. Sometimes I’ve not been tactful enough, and that IS important. Saying it all and not holding back can be an extremely selfish thing. It’s great to get things off my chest, to say them the way I feel, to not censure or squelch things dying to burst off my tongue.

In my case, it’s been a part of my personality forever. I’ve been frustrated by others who hold back, I’ve said things I probably shouldn’t have and then I’ve had to apologize. I’ve apologized a lot! There are times when, yes, you can say what you think, but you have to be considerate when saying it. With the power of words comes great responsibility.

And then, as Deb said, you hurt people when they are faced with things they don’t want to face, no matter how unwittingly or gently you’ve said it. If they ditch you or are angry with you, it’s their issue to bear. They’re choosing how to interpret it. In this case, I don’t apologize for saying what I’ve felt I had to. The truth may hurt, but dealing with it positively helps. That sounds cold, but that’s not to say I won’t be there to support them.

@Steph – The old saying of think before you speak usually comes in handy but there are times when just speaking works best. It may be hard to do but sometimes it can have the effect you want and/or need! Sometimes the truth does hurt but usually it’s undeniable.

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