Random Ramblings

Posts Tagged ‘Happy Birthday

“I tried all night not to break down and cry
As the tears rolled down my face
I felt so cold and empty
Like a lost soul out of place
And the mirror, mirror on the wall
Sees my smile it fades again
And give me something to believe in”

Lyrics to Poison’s “Something to believe in”

A lost soul, I guess you could say that is what I’ve been feeling like lately.  I hope everyone who regularly, at least as regularly as I post, read this can forgive me for not writing in so long.  I’ve been wanting to write, I just haven’t been able to do it.  Nothing in my head wants to come out on to the screen for all to read!  That being said I apologize for what may come out now…

Have you ever felt like this?  Like you were cold and empty, your smile fading away?  It’s a scary thought and an even scarier place to be.  Sometimes I feel like I spend some nights fighting to not lose it and cry at things, especially when I have no control over them.  The last time I felt like this was almost two weeks ago, the week of my birthday.  Now I have a small group of close friends, those whom you’d do anything for and vice versa.  However this year I didn’t even get a Happy Birthday text from two of them.  This is the second year they have forgotten about my birthday, last year I thought it was just a fluke due to another party that was thrown and I was ok with that, but this year, there was nothing else going on.  This makes me sad, I had most all of my “facebook” friends wish me a happy brithday, people I haven’t seen in years, but not from two of my closest friends.  I just don’t know how to deal with that.  I kind of did feel cold and empty, even if Ican’t get together with friends, I at least try to send them a text, or call them or e-mail…SOMETHING! 

My smile has been fading for a long time now and that pretty much put me over the edge of where I am comfortable.   Right now I am even afraid of being too honest here and creating trouble for myself.  Maybe I’ll try this again in a week or so, it just isn’t working right now.  I’m sorry.

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